The Little Demon logoThe Little Demon
on My Shoulder
The little demon / In his own words

What G
says.

The circumstances change. The conclusion doesn't.

G is my name for the part of me that can always construct an argument for alcohol. These are some of the things he's actually said, word for word, copied from my notes as they happened. Most of the entries they come from aren't published here yet.

Where S answered, that's in too.

You're doing really well. You're clearly turning a corner. You did loads of good things yesterday and cleared your head. Have a little bit. You've earned it.
A few days in, when I'd started feeling better. Read the entry.
You're feeling good. You are feeling fit. You're going to do a good bit of exercise. You'll have earned a drink.
At the start of a football game, before I'd even done the healthy thing.
You had a good game. You did a healthy thing. You are allowed a drink.
Driving home from the same game.
This is easier than you thought. You don't need AA. You don't need counselling. You're better than that.
When he couldn't sell me a drink directly, he tried to sell me out of the support instead. Read the entry.
would me having a drink at some point between now and end of the journey not make a great chapter
Once I'd started writing. Apparently G had literary ambitions before I did. Read the entry.
Free house. Just you. Easy to drink.
The night I had the house to myself.
You know where the whisky is. You could have a little slug. If you're worried about the smell, you could even do it when everyone is sleeping.
Staying at my in-laws'. Straight back to the old machinery: secrecy, timing, smell.
Hey, it's Friday. Have a drink at the end of a long week. That's completely normal.
The first Friday since that Friday.

S: Emm, no. Not for me it's not.

It will make you feel better.
His sales pitch for anxiety. The effect lasted about twenty minutes.
Hey, that's seven days. You've done a shit load of work. You've dealt with a lot of things work-wise this week that were causing you stress, not to mention a lot of personal stuff. You're doing great. You're painting well. You're feeling great!
About a week in.

S: Away and fuck yourself, you little prick.

Hey, if you are planning on never drinking again, surely a little visit for old times' sake every so often can't be bad from time to time.
On the way to my first AA meeting. He'd accepted the premise and gone straight to negotiating the exceptions.
You've done your first AA. Surely that's worth a wee reward.
On the way home from it.
Hey, great meeting there with [my recovery worker]. He seems genuinely taken with what you've written so far. Time to kick back and enjoy the moment.
Walking out of a good appointment with an enormous spring in my step.

S: Honestly, pal? Seriously? Away and fuck aff.

Bad day? You deserve a drink. Good day? You've earned a drink. Stressed? Have one to relax. Feeling brilliant? Celebrate. Been healthy? Reward yourself. Been sober? See, you've proved you can control it.

The facts could change completely and somehow the answer remained the same.

Drink.